I am finally beginning to realize how worthless my own effort is, how worthless my learning is, how worthless a message without the Holy Spirit backing it is. My entire life I have pursued knowledge so that I can share it with others. Knowledge in and of itself is a pitiful thing. Sure, my testimony can sound fine when I say things I have learned but it will be nothing more until it comes from the heart.

How can I tell people of a glorious God? I have heard many stories of him and read many books about him but I have yet to experience him myself. How can I tell people of a God that heals if I don't know in my heart that he will heal the blind man standing three steps away? How can I preach a God who walks on water and moves the foundations of the earth if I still don't truly believe that he will?

When I say that I don't truly believe that he will, it does not mean that I don't believe he can. There's a difference. My head knowledge says that God can heal the blind, walk on water and move mountains. It's safe to say God can do something. It is quite the opposite if I say that God will do something.

In the same way that the twelve disciples didn't go out into the world until the Holy Spirit came to them, I cannot go into the world until I can speak of a glorious and powerful God that I have experienced myself. I have to step back from ministry because unless that ministry is from the Holy Spirit, it is worthless. I do not know how long this will last. It could be days, months or even years. I just know that when I do experience God's power and glory, God will send me out and he will make a difference through me.

Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD in your presence."

Exodus 33:18-19a